I realise the name of my blog might come off as a little negative. Let me explain.
All my life I’ve had great support systems who gave me the message “You’re smart! You can do anything if you just put your mind to it!” and consistently kept options open to me to succeed at whatever I wanted to do. Pretty positive, right?
Not so much.
I’m a textbook case of someone whose identity was wrapped up in being “the smart kid.” If anything was too much effort I’d quit rather than risk failing and I constantly fudged things and refused offers of help to avoid the chance of looking dumb. Plus, I’m always terrified of closing options off in case I lock myself in to something that proves to be a dead end and spend the rest of my life regretting things. Sure, I might end up succeeding at something if I put my mind to it, but you have to have that “something” in mind first! In reality, I’ve instead become overwhelmed by choices and interests so just end up drifting and half-assing everything and generally being stressed out and numb (especially since I often also feel like I’ve failed everyone who ever put faith in me too).
On top of that, my parents were pretty permissive, creative types who actively encouraged us to live outside the norm and left us to our own devices a lot. That might sound good on paper, but given how lacking in drive and focus I’ve always been the end result is one slobby, lazy individual with no self-discipline or grasp of basic life skills.
Now that I have kids of my own I am determined to get my shit together so I can model a better lifestyle for them to emulate. It’s time to grow up and get back to the basic building blocks of a happy, successful life. No more thinking that I’m somehow “better” than people who do housework and have routines and just get on with mundane life stuff. No more pressure to always keep options open and be spontaneous. No more ridiculous perfectionism getting in the way of just getting shit done. No more trying to be all square shaped when presented with a round hole!
Basically, I need to accept that life is often ordinary and mundane and I’m still a worthwhile person if I don’t excel at everything I do. After all, exceptional things are meaningless if you don’t have a mediocre background to compare them to.
Time to cherish the ordinary, everyday stuff so I can create the necessary launching pad to find my true bliss.