Tag Archives: overwhelm

Bloooooock block block block!

I know, I know. I’m a terrible blogger.

I just can’t seem to make it habitual. And the fact that I left things hanging with the first instalment of my bike riding attempt is definitely weighing on my conscience. I had hoped by adding a little pressure I could force myself to be more consistent – but no. Instead it’s just made me curl up and crumble and become victim to the part of my brain I’ve recently started referring to as the Chicken of Self-Sabotage.

Source

“Oh, you want to make progress on that piece of writing? It’s going to take WAY too much effort – why even try? You know you’ll never be happy with it anyway. Blooock block block block!”

“Oh, you’ve offered to do something for someone? If you complete it you’ll set up the expectation that you’ll always be this available, thus setting them up for future disappointment; but if you don’t, it’ll be yet more proof that you’re flaky and unreliable! Let’s just freeze up until the time pressure destroys you. Blooock block block block!”

“Oh, the house is so messy that you can’t think straight? Cleaning it will be a mammoth task. Let’s just go out and spend all the money you don’t have to distract yourself instead. Blooock block block block!”

“Oh hey! After weeks of calorie counting and forcing yourself to be more active you’re finally back under 80kg for the first time in years! Let’s celebrate by drinking half a bottle of wine! Oh dear. You’ve gotten the munchies and devoured the rest of your chocolate biscuits too. Whelp! May as well just give up now. Eat this bag of chips! Blooock block block block!”

Inhale. Exhale.

This voice has gotten quite loud recently, as I’ve kind of fallen off the mediocrity wagon and started getting lost in my own head again – daydreaming of future glory while conveniently ignoring the hard slog needed to get there. I weaned off my antidepressants a couple of months ago and although that’s mostly been great, an unfortunate side-effect is all the “unhelpful” internal monologues becoming more insistent.

Getting my brain back to its natural state has unleashed a flood of creative urges. An idea for a screenplay that’s been kicking around for a while suddenly coalesced and threatened to explode unless I started putting it on paper. So did a speculative fiction novel idea. And I’ve come up with two other blog ideas (which are totally laughable notions considering how poorly I maintain this one!).

I’m bursting at the seams with music ideas too: just listening to the hum of the fridge and the tick of the clock prompts my brain to start weaving a melody into it. I actually went to a music workshop with my sax a month ago where I jammed with an AWESOME group of people with an eclectic mix of instruments. It was so much fun. One of them has since tracked me down to see if I am available for regular gigs. YES! But also NO – that would need for me to: practise every day to maintain technique and stamina; rely more heavily on my in-laws for childcare; rely more heavily on family and friends for lifts everywhere OR get my driver’s license sorted ASAP. 

And don’t even get me started on all my crafting urges…

Inhale. Exhale.

It’s been hard not to get swept up in it all to the point where I fall in a heap and let the Chicken of Self-Sabotage peck me into submission. At the end of the day, though, I still need routine, patience, and self-discipline if I have any hope of achieving the barest minimum of these dreams.

You’re not quite there yet, Meg. Chillax, stick to the basics, and throw all that Chicken-feed to the other side of the barn. This will only work from the ground up.

You have the luxury of time and space. Keep making the most of it!

(Inspired by today’s Daily Prompt)

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Panic attacks

The plus side: I miscalculated when school holidays started and it turns out we have an extra week before the move. 

The down side: regularly being frozen and overwhelmed by panic really impedes the packing process…

That being said, we got our first load of stuff down to the new place last weekend. My husband and his dad hired a truck and we got to work. 

 
Annoyingly, about a third of the load was all the stuff we still had in a storage unit on behalf of my friend who became homeless last year. She’s in Melbourne now and still not really coping so I promised we would take it with us until she is settled (which, to be honest, may not happen for a looooong while). I personally feel like she would be better off letting go of it all, but that’s not my call to make. It’s no real hardship for us to play caretakers so that’s what is happening for now. Hopefully we’ll find a more satisfactory resolution for that in the not too distant future…

Awesomely, we threw together about 20 boxes of our own stuff, along with a few bulky bits of furniture and other random things we can do without for a month.

 
That beanbag is stuffed full of soft toys (BEST way to store them when they’re not being played with, btw); one box has all our DVDs and PlayStation games; one box has all my winter jackets and track pants (which was “great” timing just before the Autumn weather finally kicked in…); the oven box has a few of Miss 7’s doll houses in it; all my CDs are in those milk crates and one small box – although one milk crate is only covers for the discs in my DJ folders that I need to keep here, and; all my books, minus a handful staying here for now, are in four boxes. 

 
All my craft magazines and books, all my recipe books, and all the other books that mean something to me are here. At least as many as these have been donated, sold or recycled as part of the culling process.

I will be able to fit all these in one set of shelves at the new place.

Not gonna lie, it feels pretty awesome.

And I’m pretty confident I can reduce things further when we’re setting up – especially with my CDs and DVDs. I rushed the process with them so I could put them in the truck (I reckon some angsty teens down in Jervis Bay are really going to appreciate the stash they will find at the local Vinnies in a few months…).

Up next, following the KonMari order of sorting through stuff, is skincare and makeup so I will attack the bathroom (where basically all of that is stored). I will cull my toiletries and makeup, attack the bath toys, go through the towels (we have way too many!), and give the room a good scrub down.

That’s my job for the weekend. If I get through that, I’ll start on my accessories (next on the KonMari list – man that book is a lifesaver when you are overwhelmed and don’t know what to do next!!).

Doable, right?

*breathe in; breathe out*

So long as the kids can entertain themselves I’ve got the next phase sorted. What could go wrong?