Monthly Archives: March 2018

Long and Winding Road…

Oh hey! I remember you.

You’re that awesome little blog that started my long journey inward.

You helped me work through a bunch of stuff, and although I never did reach my intended goal (to be happy having a regular, structured, everyday kind of life) I certainly enjoyed the trip.

So much has happened since last we spoke. I’m still on the NSW South Coast and loving my little slice of paradise. My youngest started Kindergarten this year, so I finally have enough time to myself to (somewhat) stay on top of things. I’ve started teaching music from home and have big plans to expand into schools and community centres.

But the biggest thing that happened **and I’ll put a trigger warning here for anyone else who has lost a loved one** is that my big brother passed away from leukaemia just over a year ago.

He was always an obese and sedentary adult, so I often worried that we’d lose him too soon, but it was a pretty massive gut-punch having him die only days after his 44th birthday. There was 5 years between us and he was never really on my radar much once we grew up and started our own adult lives – we had so little in common besides similar tastes in music and sci-fi/superhero movies. Still, since he’s left us I’ve been stripped down to essentials and left vulnerable.

It’s like the foundation for my sense of self lost a stabiliser in one corner, so I have to tread carefully in that spot now.

My parents, sister, and I have drawn closer emotionally which has been a great balm for me. My mother especially seems to have finally accepted that I need to be a lot more demonstrative than she’s generally comfortable with, and has discovered that it’s not too scary to sit with me through it after all. This has removed a lot of resentment from my part, so I feel safer letting it all hang out and trusting that she won’t push me away.

So that’s nice.

Still, I’d rather have my big bro back.

Anyway, I have big plans to revamp my online presence. I’ve accepted that I am, in fact, a special little snowflake – but then so is everybody else. We’re all unique, and it’s the modern world that needs to adapt to us, not the other way around. We do ourselves and everyone else around us a great disservice by living small and toeing the line.

Time to shine as bright as we can, and lift this wonderful world in which we live higher with every golden breath.

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